I think of a man and then remove reason and accountability.  Sorry, someone had to say it.

Writing about men is hard for men, too.  I'm sure female writers vacillate between flighty-bubbly-happy-go-shopping-valley-girl types and hard-nosed-take-charge-Gloria-Steinem types.  Men have the same stereotypes and we fight against them.  Suppose that I write a cop drama.  OK, which one is the Nick Nolte tough guy and which one has the Eddie Murphy street smarts?  See what I mean: the stereotype is already prescribed.  The problem is not writing about the opposite gender; the problem is avoiding cliche.  The moment that any of the above characters reach the page, the game is lost no matter which gender writes them.

Since I write plays, I must have a clear idea of each character's objective.  Then, I have to decide how they'll go about meeting that goal and the degree of its success.  The goal is what puts them on the stage, their means is what gives them life.  I find that gender is seldom an issue by approaching it this way.  My only gender struggles occur when I say to myself, "a man/woman would never do that."  The nice thing is this: when I say that phrase, it would have to be an awfully interesting character that could pull off that action, so I find a way to make it work.  

Small example: I'm working on a play set in ancient Greece but I wanted the female protagonist to be strong since she will later cuckold her husband--not quiet a tomboy, but able to be decisive and demanding.  This naturally led me to place the story in Sparta where the women trained and lived like the men.  An added advantage is that Spartans were famed for their monogamy and the absence of homosexuality, which means that her adultery later on becomes a more dramatic affair than if I placed it in Thebes or Athens.  After making the setting change, her gender became a secondary matter and I think she really blossomed as an interesting person.  That's really the goal when we write about anyone, though.

Good topic!

Personally, I try to avoid stereotypes as much as possible and try instead to focus on the "person" behind the character. Stereotypical people are rarely very interesting in the real world, and are absolutely a bore on the written page.

I start first with an idea of what the character must do or be, and then put together a list of necessary personal traits and knowledge required for the character to accomplish his or her part in the plot. I then try to imagine the sources of those traits and knowledge (i.e., learned behavior vs. natural talents, formal/directed education vs. self education vs. personal experience). Until I know how my character needs to behave, I may have an idea about the gender, but I try not to commit to a specific gender at that point just because a role would typically be filled by a man or a woman.

For example, if my character needs to be a venerated scholar and is living in Medieval times, it is common knowledge that women were rarely (if ever) allowed to join in academic or scientific circles, so therefore the character should probably be male. But the character could also be female, which would open up entirely new avenues to explore because you would then have to explain how she was able to attain her knowledge and acquire her status given the gender-biases of the time and region. Much fun could be had with how she relates to and competes with her male peers, as well.

There are very few cases I can think of (except, of course, certain biologically-specific plot requirements, like giving birth) where the gender of the character is set in stone because of the role he or she plays.

I also try to avoid forcing stereotypical traits on my characters based on their role. For example, if you assume that a respected leader is self-confident, compassionate and intelligent, it can make things more interesting (regardless of the gender) to replace one of those three traits with something not so admirable. For instance, a leader who is self-confident and compassionate would still be respected even though he or she was as dumb as a doornail. Likewise, a leader filled with self-doubt, but is still compassionate and intelligent would also be respected -- and would also a much more interesting character.

Again, good topic! I've never really seriously thought about how I develop characters, relying more on instinct than methodology to do it. But now that I've analyzed how I prefer to do it, I have some new ideas for some old and dusty characters of mine who might benefit from a gender change.

I don't think there is a stereotype that can't be broken.  The sad thing is, you can take any combination of personality traits, and make them into a person who is most definitely, undeniably female, or male for that matter.  All the defining qualities of a sex are in the little feelings and motions as the character goes in the story.  You can even reverse the roles totally, craft a fantasy world where men are the needy, emotional housekeepers-to-be, and women are the forward, practical, goal-oriented hunters of the society, and it's still possible to make women women, and men, men.

The best successes I have had characterizing someone of a certain group as being part of that group without stereotyping them have been largely heuristic.  Intuitive.  I just think of all the girls I have ever met, and all the guys I have ever met, and there is the definition of sexual differentiation!  It's not something we can describe in words or steps, it's just the inductive combination of all our experience to produce a certain flavor.  Of course if our experience itself was tainted, such as how hard it is to learn about the more taboo aspects of the opposite sex, or the fact that you just never happened to meet a man who didn't despise baseball, then your writing can still be stereotyped.  But at least it's a stereotype that incorporates everything you've seen, as opposed to what people have tried to define in black and white terms.  And if you have an open mind, your inaccurate writings will quickly attract the very people who you need to learn from eager to teach you of your mistake  ;)

Not that I know much about writing but I usually just mix characteristics of people I know to create fictional characters. Plus, while it's impractical trying to get someone of the opposite gender to explain motivations,worldview etc.  a lot can be learned by asking said person of the opposite gender about someone of their own sex and what they think their reasons, goals and doubts are.
"Works" for me. No idea if it is obvious or useless for other people.
That's my first post here btw. Broken any unwritten rules yet?

Me again! Basically, the problem I had with trying to differentiate character between men and women was trying to narrow it down to ask myself one question: what is it about men/women that makes them attracted to men/women? With obvious exceptions, for every heterosexual woman or man out there, is attraction purely physical? Of course not. I believe there has to be some essence of something in the opposite gender that holds the charm.

So, reforming the question again: what mentally/emotionally makes a man a man? A woman a woman? Is gender a state of mind as well as obviously the body? We always read the intriguing stories of those that rebelled against gender roles and norms and sought out to view themself a person before a man/woman. But what about the rest? If I had to sit down and write out a long, random list of words that describe and define me, I think 'woman' would be one of them.

I recently read (a phrase I repeat too often perhaps) an interesting note.  Like all things written on paper, it can be bent to form whichever shape we please.  Synopsis:  men relate to tangible, women to intangible.  To elaborate:  men tend to consider their physical resources (ie. money, muscle, movement, etc.), women tend to consider emotional resources (ie. family feelings, friends/enemies relations, child-rearing, etc.).

I know I'm not saying this as well as I would like, to avoid insulting myself and everyone on the planet.  I've always been a fence sitter in regards to the "war" between the sexes.  Even in my dreams I jump from gender to gender (does anyone else?).  

However, there is something in what I read that bears noting.  A grain of a truth that, when I consider it, proves itself not absolute, but drifting toward a general placement on a line graph.  When it comes to what makes the strong attraction, it is chemistry - positrons to electrons.  Where one gender(person) lacks, the other gender(person) picks up the slack.  It is not always an exact puzzle piece to puzzle piece, but we're flexible people, others around us (friends, relatives, and enemies) attempt to fill in the holes.  An absent filler usually causes distress, and so we seek, knowingly or unknowingly, the "filler-upper."  Plot material.

When it comes to male and female relations, "the two made one," is not said casually.  The best is for the two to match, the more intriguing the one, the more oddly shapped the matching piece.  And people are more than 2D so we often don't even see how two match.  If you're looking for the attraction factor, observe, other singles and pairs, how you yourself react, parents, brothers and sisters.  And like all research and previously stated above, ask people questions.  Try reading the histories of men and women and how they reacted.  Does it agree or disagree with the above "synopsis?"  And what discrepancies are there with the "synopsis?"  These answers make the character and the attraction factor.  

Then again, I could be blowing nothing but smoke.

Words and Time my life's Obsessions.

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I think it's often an intuitive thing. I'm a male writer and I recently wrote about a female character who was very unusual and a bit of an outsider, and although there was scant mention of shopping and mini skirts, a female friend of mine who read it said the character works better as a woman than she would as a man. Trust your instincts I think.