One of the toughest experiences a writer may encounter is the attempt to write the thoughts and feelings of that opposite, mysterious gender. So where does stereotype end? Where does the individual begin? Where do they meet halfway?

One of my most difficult journeys has been trying to write a realistic man, being very much the female behind this computer screen. I don't feel strong or confident in the way my male characters act or react. They read forced and contrived. And I know I'm not the only one that feels the tethers of gender. The solution? It could be simple to say that one must let these gender stereotypes die like disco and to treat your character as a human being before a male or a female.

But we all know that this isn't always the case. Gender roles are very real in the world, and as much as some people make it their life's work to escape society's expectations -- or at least make sense of it -- a pink and blue world will always be there. I take my role seriously and I even find my femininity empowering... but that is an entirely different article.

But how am I, a girl lost in the world of braided hair and mini-skirts, supposed to embrace that forbidden world of masculinity? How is a male author supposed to break into feminity's secrets and tap them to create the realistic female character?

I may not be the greatest expert on the "Do's", but I've run into a lot of "Don'ts." I have seen poor attempts created on both sides of the big gender pool.

Women writing men.

First there is the obvious mistake. Women can stereotype men, degenerating the potential of writing a real human being into a "male", someone strong but stupid; he is someone whose dilemma is to seek that wise, Yoda-like female whose yin balances his yang and makes his life complete. This guy is Freud's Id-carnate, and he likes beer, fast cars, and faster women.

The second mistake, from my experience, is that other women authors tend to idealize men. They break their male protagonists free of all the common "masculine vices" out there and liberate them from all forms of stereotype. Here we have a sweet, sensitive male character who is emotional, diplomatic, passionate, and seems innately aware with how women operate ('cause he never kisses and tells). This is Mr. Right. They create a male character that they'd see themselves eager to fall in love with. In the end, the male character ends up thinking and acting as a woman would, or as how a woman wants him to be. And so, where's the intrigue?

This is not to say that all men out there are supposed to be tethered by stereotypes. There are sensitive men. There are diplomatic men. There are certainly passionate men that take the time to understand and respect women.

But where does masculinity fit into this puzzle? Where does the spark weld in what ultimately seals this character's gender and not make his an interchangeable one? How do you set apart this man from all the other female characters? How masculine can one make a male character while trying to appeal to a softer, more PC-conscientious world?

Men writing women.

The poorest characterization of women made by men is first the obvious: by dragging women back to a stereotype that oppresses them. A stereotype that ensures women are flighty, insecure, and in need of protection against a harsh world. That problem does not come up so often as it used to, because male authors are all too aware of this. And then they work hard to fall victim to an extreme that's just the opposite.

They create women characters that are too aware of themselves. She is brash, confident, strong, and on the most part, largely sexual. Her minxy sexuality is most commonly her greatest weapon. Thus, which is the lesser of two evils, a damsel in distress or a woman so completely without flaw that she's unrealistic? A video game heroine.

And, lastly, how far does masculinity/femininity fit into a character? How does it affect his or her virtues and vices (i.e., a self-possessed man; an insecure woman)? How far should an author feel free in experimenting with gender stereotypes without making a farce of a male or female character? How far can biology be brought in (testosterone vs estrogen)? And just what are good ways someone could do to get in touch with his or her feminine/masculine side?

Because, I swear, wearing Spider-Man boxers certainly isn't helping me.