As a self-taught writer of fiction, I've fallen into many of the problems you point out. I started (of course) writing in first person exclusively. Discovered (as you point out) that there may be important things going on that the main character doesn't know about, which can't be included in the story. And that, since the other characters were not well sketched, they never actually wanted to do anything, so it was hard to develop a plot.

So mostly nowadays I behave myself and write in 3rd person. Sometimes looking over the shoulder of one character (so that it's first person in all but syntax); sometimes another character; sometimes more distant from the action, impersonally critiquing everybody. It makes for better character development, and once the characters (and a situation) are developed, they have the darndest habit of doing precisely as they please, not following my ideas about the direction the plot should go; rather just acting like people act. It's fun; it's breathtaking.

I've done warped little love stories in second person; it works nicely in love poetry and songs and such, but not so well in a story, if only because it demands that the reader identify with the narrator in a big way.
Exploring dark places since last Thursday
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